Good Cop, Less Obviously Obsequious Cop

With waterboarding out, critics of the Obama administration have implied that we have no way to get critical information in a 'ticking time bomb' situation. Rubbish! We have many enhanced interrogation techniques remaining.

1. One may address the the prisoners in a snide, brusque and acerbic manner.

2. One may play 'good cop, less obviously obsequious cop.'

3. While extreme temperatures are out, as of this writing one may still subject prisoners to extremes of humidity.

4. Guards may remove sub-woofers from prisoners' stereo systems.

5. Upon approval of Attorney General Holder, interrogators may subject prisoners to drumming fingertips, arched eyebrows, folded arms and pursed lips.

6. One may pout.

These techniques are guaranteed to break the most hardened terrorist -- sorry -- differently lawful agents of human-made disaster.